Four Posts in a Day? What am I Doing??

I really need direction in my life.  Otherwise I start feeling useless, and then I start making things up to feel useful doing.  And THEN if I don't do them, I start feeling like a loser without drive or commitment or accomplishments.  And I start filling my time with mindless prattle.  Like posting to my blog four times a day.  Or eating smoked salmon sandwiches and Haagen-Dazs ice cream at 10:30 at night.

For example, I am in Paris.  I have a job to do: take care of baby.  When my job is done for the day, I amuse myself by learning French.  And...that's it.  I have nothing else to accomplish.  No other goals, no friends to distract me.  So, by virtue of my mental makeup, French is now my obsession, and I am sucking at it.  I mean, I'm not.  I'm actually doing great, for three weeks of learning.  But...but...  For every simple conversation I can carry on in French, there are fifteen others that I can't follow.  For every word I learn there are about a MILLION others that I will never know.  And feeling discouraged isn't really the problem; after all, I'm only here for three months.  I won't be fluent by September.  But I want to feel like I'm a part of this place, at least by virtue of my blood, sweat, and tears.  I want to belong here somehow; I want to feel like Paris wants me here.  Does that make sense?

Bah!  I hate feeling stressed out about something that I'm doing for fun.  I am such an obsessive person.  If escaping Boston has helped erase some former obsessions from my mind (ahem), it has only made my psyche cast its metaphorical gaze about for some other goal to fixate on.

I am such a nutcase.
I may have to take a sabbatical from the internet, just to refocus myself.
Except the internet has the best language dictionaries.
And how will I skype without skype?
And I need to organize my ride for the beach trip next weekend...
And...

I'll probably feel better in the morning.  Goodnight.