Look At Me Now

I'm moving to China.  As Joel's wife.  Well, I'm not his wife yet.  Nor am I exactly moving to China at this time.  I'm moving all of my stuff to my parents' house in anticipation of moving to China.  Which will happen only after I am his wife.  Which will happen in five weeks.  Well, five weeks from this morning.  :)

I just reread my last post (here), and it's amazing to see where we are now!  Getting married in five weeks.  I suppose a few things needed to happen first.
a) We both needed to recover from the fight and week-long break we had taken the first week of February and remember how much we like each other.
b) I needed to decide NOT to move to China without more assurance from him that I wouldn't have to move back to Boston and start my life over from scratch.
c) He needed to decide that he wanted me in China enough to
d) ask me to come with him permanently--in the form of a proposal.
All of that happened.  It's basically a miracle!

So.  Now I am sitting in my adorable Belknap Street dining room, packing up my costume/history books.

And I'm thinking deep thoughts to myself, about myself.  Existential thoughts.  I haven't looked at any of these books in a year.  I didn't teach this semester; the last time I taught was a whole year ago.  Isn't that odd.  Years are passing faster.

I know I love these books and the knowledge contained within them.  But it's like I am looking at that part of myself from the other end of a long, dim hallway.  These books are dusty.  My packets of research from grad school are relics from another epoch.  There was an Alexandra who could have made this her life.  Is she still inside me?  Has the daily grind of the 9 to 5 covered her up?  Or smothered her?  Has the constant thought of my love far away distracted me permanently or for a moment only?

What about this new life I am headed for?  What kind of Alexandra will I shake out to be when I am a stranger in a strange land with little-to-no life structure?  Will this latent interest spring again to life?  Will I follow the scholarly or the more hands-on path?  Will I excavate what I loved and dig even deeper?  Or will all the newness lead me further down the hallway of life, away from the passion of my past?



I wonder all of this as I pack sturdy liquor boxes full of my hard-won collection of niche knowledge.
There is only one way to find out.